6.9.26

Why is it so hard to maintain a body that feels good? Hear me out here. I am 23. My back hurts. My knees hurt. I am constantly exhausted. By 5PM I am ready to go to bed. I am perpetually nauseous. I feel that this is a common part of the human condition, and I am told to eat better, exercise more, do mobility exercises, stretching, meditation, whatever. This I think is genuinely frustrating, because it is a lot of work. None of these things are fun, or enjoyable, in fact they are uncomfortable and unpleasant. So like, why do we have to be uncomfortable in order to feel at least a tiny bit okay? I have no idea of this makes sense, but it is something I am thinking about today and am a little angry over.

6.6.26

For my first blog post I am just going to tell you guys about my day. I am drinking coffee and watching Bones. I am having many hopes and dreams about this site: I want a seperate blog that is specifically designed for me to talk about my experience on testosterone. I started HRT two months ago on sunday (the 7th) and I haven't really been documenting my experience, which is something that I feel bad about. Second, I want to start posting my art. I've had a hankering for comics or blog posts that incorporate my art, but are on broader topics. I want to do that! I think that's it for today. Love yall.

6.8.26

I worked in an office building, and they gave me my own office. I was soo excited for that, because it was big, had windows, and I could decorate/furnish it like it was my own space. The problem was, the woman who worked there before me had just passed away, and i needed to clear out all her things before I could move my things in. I was going through her desk which had pictures of her kids and bobbles and trinkets she had probably collected. I kept thinking 'oh fuck, fuck this is going to be me.'
Another problem was that I had no idea what this company did or what my job was. I kept trying to find my boss, but I also didn't know who my boss was. I kept thinking I recognized him, but it turned out to be just another guy that looked like him. ??? Very stressful.

6.6.26

I had a dream that I was trying to walk to school and I only had an hour to get there, but my school is really far from my house. I also was carrying SO many things and it was heavy and awkward. Also, I was wearing like, REALLY fancy clothes. Like an ankle-length fur trench coat, leather gloves, and heels. And the whole time I was trying to get my sister to take pictures of me because I was really upset with the fact that I don't have many pictures of myself. I don't know! But I do know I still don't have many pictures of myself.